


The Heart-Stealing Phantom Thief

by lynnthewaffle



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Detective Saihara Shuichi, F/F, F/M, M/M, Miraculous Ladybug Love Square, Phantom Thief Oma Kokichi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29242848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lynnthewaffle/pseuds/lynnthewaffle
Summary: when the sun is in the sky, kokichi and 'saihara-chan!' are roommates, with shuichi mostly spending his time on cases as a full-time detective. but when the blazing heat dissapears and you can no longer see the sun from behind the trees, shuichi is chasing a damned phantom thief who insists on calling him 'shumai~'. a lot of sexual tension ensues and maybe one day the oblivious detective will put two and two together and realize the people he's fallen in love with are one and the same.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 18
Kudos: 115





	1. Phantom Thief & Detective

**Author's Note:**

> OK BEFORE YOU GET CONFUSED: OMA KOKICHI AND SAIHARA SHUICHI ARE THE SAME PERSON, IT'S JUST THAT KOKICHI CALLS HIM DIFFERENT NAMES WHEN HE'S A PHANTOM THIEF

The first thing Shuichi sees as he walks down his small apartment's staircase, yawning is Kokichi grinning from the dining table.

"Morning, sleepy-chan."

He smiles and says good morning. His eyebags probably say otherwise though.

"Geez Saihara-chan, I get that you're working hard 'n all with the phantom thief on the loose, but you can't stay up all night researching it, k?"

Shuichi sighs. Sometimes he's astonished at how responsible Kokichi is when it comes to things he cares about.

"Kay."

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself?"

"..I promise, Kokichi."

Kokichi cheers and then makes his way to the microwave, pulling out something in a bowl.

"Here. At least eat something before you head into your office."

"Thanks."

Shuichi reminds himself of the times Kokichi refused to shower, eat or drink anything that wasn't grape panta. He can hardly believe that Kokichi and this Kokichi were one in the same.

They finish up their meal and Shuichi heads off.

"Goodbye, Kokichi."

"Bye bye!"

\--

Shuichi glues his eyes to his laptop screen. Leaked security footage. Evidence left behind. A connection. He's looking for anything. Anything at all.

Phantom thieves were a real nuisance, not because they steal valuable items, in fact, the one he's after currently has only commited petty theft.

It's the fact they exist that's a nuisance.

Even with a picture of their face or witnesses, phantom thieves are difficult. They're hard fo find, even harder to keep up with, and the hardest to catch.

One even escaped from a max security prison. And no one noticed until a week later.

The thief Shuichi was currently after was similar to that sort. He's stolen things like old books and belts and scarves. But never actually anything of value.

The way he stole was impeccable, even with security footage, you could barely tell he snatched it off the shelves until seconds after he'd already snatched it.

But the thing that reeaally pissed him off about this thief was the fact that: the thief wasn't even trying!

In fact, he's probably had dozens of actual conversations with the thief, while chasing him down!

The thief would just.. CASUALLY TALK TO THE DETECTIVE WHO WAS CHASING HIM. It felt like a mockery.

From these small conversations, Shuichi has learnt that the thief is 'a liar', quoted directly from the thief.

He's also very dramatic, and admitedly.. really cool. He dives off of buildings, runs on rooftops and jumps into the air. He only appears at night, and has a squeaky voice.

The thief has also started recognizing him, he found out his name was Shuichi and has started giving him the nickname 'Shumai'. Just because, "why not?".

Time passed and eventually the moon was up in the pitch black sky.

Aaaaand there we go. 'Phantom thief steals fuzzy dice keychain from toy store'

Shuichi rushes out off his office to the toy store down the street, just in time to see the figure running across the store's rooftop like he always does.

He climbs up the roof and follows. Lagging behind because holy crap, that thief was quick.

It took maybe 7 jumps from roof to roof before they ran out of places to go and the thief finally stopped at the dead end.

"Got you!"


	2. No Such Thing as a Dead End!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S: 'Uso' is the Japanese word for the word 'lie'

"Got you!"

The thief finally stopped running, pausing to look at the tall buildings that surrounded them. All of which were either too high or too far to jump to.

"You've got nowhere to run now, it's a dead end, Mr. Phantom Thief!"

"..Hm?" the thief spun around, lifting his clown mask just slightly so you could see the devious smirk painted across his face.

"There's no such thing as a dead end, silly."

"What are you.. WAIT-!"

Shuichi actually froze for a second as the thief leaned backwards, falling off the 500ft tall skyscraper.

..Ah fuck. Of course. This was a phantom thief, logic had nothing on them. There was no way a normal, logical human could ever do something like that. 

..There was no way.

Shuichi gulped.

"Ahahahaha-!! WAIT WHY ARE YOU JUMPING TOO SHUMAI WHAT THE FUCK"

'Shumai' didn't answer. Well, he couldn't answer. He was too busy regretting his life choices.

"AAAAAAAA!!!"

The ground was getting closer everytime he blinked, and he'd realized what a god awful mistake this was.

He thought that maybe.. he could've grabbed onto the thief in the air. And as the phantom thief made his way to safety, Shuichi could follow. And maybe learn his tricks, or something..

Turns out you can't really fuckin maneuver in air though.

Shuichi Saihara. Jumped off a roof while chasing a Phantom Thief. Died.. what date was it today?

Why was he even falling? What was he doing..?

Y'know how when your about to die,, your body flashes your life before your eyes as a desperate attempt to stall you some time? Like a coping mechanism.

That's what was happening. Shuichi was disassociating.

\--  
"Geez Saihara-chan, I get that you're working hard 'n all with the phantom thief on the loose, but you can't stay up all night researching it, k?"

Shuichi sighs. Sometimes he's astonished at how responsible Kokichi is when it comes to things he cares about.

"Kay."

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself?"

"..I promise, Kokichi."  
\--

'..I'm sorry, Kokichi.'

Just as Shuichi braced for impact, he felt a sharp tug on his wrist and instead of gravity pulling him downward, a strong force was now pulling him to the side.

"YOU'RE REALLY RECKLESS, Y'KNOW THAT!?" the thief screamed, tumbling over his own strength and doing a flip in the air.

Finally, the sound of piercing wind stopped. It went silent and they fell into a stack of hay bales with a loud 'oomf'.

Shuichi decided to sum up the fact they didn't break both their legs to 'phantom thief magic'

"You... saved.. me?"

"...," the phantom thief gasped for breath as if in preparation to yell, "SHUMAI YOURE AN IDIOT YOU WOULDVE DIED IF I DIDNT CHOOSE TO SAVE YOU I- DO YOU KNOW WHAT WOULDVE- YOU- AAAAGGHHH YOU DUMB DETECTIVE!"

It was kinda hard to read the mood of the situation when the person in front of him was wearing a clown mask but Shu managed.

"...Thank you? For.. saving me?"

"I- well, I didn't really have a choice.."

Didn't have a choice? What..?

Shuichi raised an eyebrow and the thief seemed to realize how weird his sentence sounded so he elaborated.

"I mean, it would be sooo boring if the only detective who actually *tried* to chase me died in such a pathetic way after all!"

Ah. So this was part of a fun game for him.

"..I see."

"Uh. Just so you know. You better not go easy on me just cause I spared your life! Cause that would be super boring!"

"..Eheh. Ok, Mr. Phantom Thief."

"..You always call me that. Just give me a nickname or something. Mister Phantom Thief is a mouthful."

"I don't even know your real name, how am I supposed to..?"

It went silent for a bit.

"Uso."

"Huh?"

"U-s-o. Uso. That's my name."

"That's your name?"

"Not my real one obviously. If I gave you my real one I'd be arrested on the spot.

'Uso'. Like 'lie'. That was what he wanted his name to be?

"..O..kay, Uso."

"Yep.. Shumai."

\--

"AGHHHHHH" Shuichi groaned, faceplanting onto the couch.

"Saaaiiiharaaa-chan. Are you stretching yourself thin again?" Kokichi skipped down the stairs at the sound of his roommate's voice.

The staircase was next to sofa, which meant Kokichi was basically looking down on Shu from the top of the steps.

"I'm fine. Just stuck."

"Why?"

"..I feel like I can't get any closer to finding out the phantom thief's identity. It's hard enough to find evidence of the thief. And even the evidence doesn't lead to shit."

"..Phantom thiefs are tough, huh? Well, I know *you* can do it, Saihara-chan!"

Shuichi turns his face up from the couch and stares up at Kokichi.

"Everything's a dead end." he says bluntly.

"There's no such thing as a dead end, silly." Kokichi gave a comforting grin.

For a second, Shuichi couldn't help but notice how Kokichi looming over him seemed so identical to how Uso looked down on him from the roof of a building.

..How strange.


	3. Summer Birthday

Every weekend, Kokichi would wake Shuichi up.

Every weekend, Shuichi would already be up not because he was an early riser but because he hadn't slept.

And on the off chance he did, he'd be working.

Detective things. Kokichi thought detectives ran around chasing supervillains and solving ghost stories, which they did sometimes.. but..

Most of it was plain, boring paperwork and research.

And every weekend he'd nag Shuichi to get out of the house, go on a walk, do something.

And every weekend, Shuichi would say he didn't want to.

Of course, Kokichi's ability to force Saihara to do anything out of his comfort zone was practically non existent.

*Intentionally force Saihara.

He did accidentally get Shu to jump off a skyscraper after all..

But that was the Phantom Thief's doing, not Kokichi. It was a lot harder to ask for things when Kichi wasn't hiding behind a clown mask, but it was his birthday tomorrow..

And all he wanted was to watch the fireworks with Shu.

So with a heavy heart, he knocked on the busy detective's door.

"..Saihara-chan?"

"Oh, Kokichi. What's up?"

Kokichi pouted, there were bags under his eyes. So big that they resembled a panda.

He swallowed the urge to lecture Shu.

"I was wondering if you'd go somewhere with me tomorrow!"

Shuichi cringed, you could tell by the look on his face he didn't wanna go.

It was face that read, 'ugh seriously?'

Kokichi gulped, blinking back the tears.

"Sorry, 'Kichi.. I just.. don't really feel like it."

..Shumai had forgotten. His roommate's birthday. Forgotten.

"I see. Well, that's too bad!" he grinned, walking off.

As soon as he made it to the other side of the closed door, he started bawling.

His mind felt noisy, unanswerable questions racing in and out, a combination of whys and whats.

Legs trembling a little, he took a deep breath and walked off.

\--

June 21st, 7.00PM

The day's almost over and I didn't go outside once. Suprisingly, Kokichi didn't nudge me to take a break like he usually does on Sundays.

Though, he did ask me if I wanted to go somewhere with him today, so maybe he's just not in the house right now.

I pull open my curtains just enough to see the moon past them. It's quiet, only the sound of cicadas outside.

Until, my phone loudly pinged.

[Kaede]  
Aren't you coming??😢

[Shuichi]  
huh?  
whatre you talking abt?

[Kaede]  
The summer festival?? For Kokichi's birthday?

Kokichi's birth..

'I was wondering if you wanna go somewhere tomorrow!'

HOLY SHIT IT WAS KOKICHI'S BIRTHDAY.

[Kaede]  
Oh my god did you forget-  
SHUICHI WHAT

[Shuichi]  
SHUT UP IM ON MY WAY

Why didn't he tell him?

If he did, Shuichi would've come in a heartbeat!

So why!?

...Well,

'Now that I think about it, Kokichi did mention wanting to see fireworks..

He did say that summer was his favourite season because it was his birthday..

He did hint that he bought a yukata..'

Oh God. All the evidence was there and The Ultimate Detective didn't realize.

He was truly an idiot.

Shu stuffed everything in a bag and rushed to the festival on foot. Who cares if he was sweaty? Or looked like a mess? He needed to apologize to Kokichi and he needed to apologize now.

Kokichi was Number 1 priority..

..He thought.

Until he saw the phantom thief, sitting on a tree branch, in the forest right next to the festival.

"Shumai!" he called from the tree, hooking his knees on the branch and flopping upside down.

"Ph-phantom thief-!?"

"Geez, didn't we agree to call me Uso?"

"I- er- yea. Listen. I don't have time for this."

"Hm? You going to a festival? Your little fun more important than catching a wanted criminal? Wow, and I thought you had a little more dignity than other detct- OW"

Shuichi threw a penny at the thief, causing him to almost fall from his dangling position. 

He flipped over, sitting properly on the branch only to realize Shuichi was now chasing him.

Not that he minded.

"Thought you didn't have time for this?"

"Oh, shut up!!" Shuichi yelled, frustrated at how much harder it was too chase someone on tree branches instead of a flat roof.

"Pffft, so you're chasing me after all?"

Shuichi glanced at his watch, 7.25PM. He was definetly late.

"UGH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP"

He leaped forward, trying to grab onto the thief's cape but missing and nearly tumbling down the tree.

"Hehehehe!! So what are you going to the festival for?"

All logical brain cells told Shuichi to not answer, not to banter with the villain, to focus on catching him.

..Of course, Shu decided to listen to the 1 cell that told him otherwise.

"For a.." he pauses, almost falling again, "Friend's Birthday!"

"Ooo cool, cool! Who's?"

"A roomMATE-!" he jumps off of a breaking branch just in time to not get hurt.

"GASP, AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES!"

"Shut up..!!"

The thief giggled at the fact despite being told over and over to shut up by him, Shumai continued to answer his questions obediently for the next few minutes.

Finally, the thief dove off a tree and onto a platform filled with people.

Was he trying to dissapear in the crowd..? Not on The Ultimate Detective's watch!

He chased the thief around the platform, occasionally getting lost, until he finally found him at the very edge of the platform where there was a fence. It looked like a seating are for people who wanted to look at the view. Except it was night time so Shu couldn't see much.

Until he heard a shooting sound and a loud bang in the sky.

Fireworks, and from where Shu was standing, they looked centered around the masked figure in front of him.

It was the first time he saw the villain genuinely relaxed, he almost looked like a normal human.

"..Hey."

"Hm? You're not going to pin me down and catch me?"

Shuichi pouted, "No. That'd cause a scene. And you'd find an escape anyway."

"Lmao, so smart."

Silence stretched between them as they both focused on rhe colours peppering the sky.

"Pretty, huh.."

"Really? I don't see what's so cool about them." Shuichi commented, "In the daytime, they actually look really bad."

"Don't be such a party pooper!"

"It's called being a realist, Uso."

.  
.  
.  
"It's pretty to me though. Really, really pretty."  
"I guess you could say it's childish to be so fascinated by coloured dots fueled by gunpowder.."

"..Since when have you cared about being childish?" Shu raised an eyebrow, eyeing the thief's outfit.

"You're right! Maybe I should steal from a toy store next!"

Shuichi's expression hardened, remembering this wasn't a good person. It was a thief.

"..Seriously. Way to kill the mood." 

"Lmao sorry Shumai~"

"Ugh, you'd be such a good person if you weren't a phantom thief." Shuichi whined.

"Good person? Nah. I'm pretty shitty."

"Yea but, even if you are shitty..

I'm sure we could've been friends."

"...Friends, huh."


	4. Friends, you say.

"..Friends, huh."

You could probably tell by his voice that not a single part of him didn't doubt Shuichi's words.

Friends. 'If you weren't a thief, we could be friends.' he said.

He didn't believe him for a second.

If Uso took off the mask and acted the way he did as Kokichi Ouma..

If he stopped pretending to be a caring roommate..

If he revealed his annoying nature, the way he loves creating chaos, the fact he was an unhealthy asshole..

Saihara-chan would pack up and leave.

There way no way they could be friends if Kokichi wasn't putting on an act. Not that he minded, no, Kokichi would wear any type of personality if it meant staying with Shumai.

After all, he was in love with him.

..Damn that sounded weird to think about.

"You don't believe me? I'm serious.

You'd annoy the hell out of me, and I'd occasionally throw coins at you.. but..

We'd be good friends, I think."

God, fucking damn Shuichi and his pureness.

"You're wrong. I'm not that cool when I'm not jumping off of skyscrapers. You don't know anything about me.. I'm just a loser without this clown mask."

"Pft. I'm a shut-in, a neet, a detective who spends all day in a dusty room not sleeping or eating properly. Who says that I'm cool?

In faact, I had to lie to my roommate the other day just so that he'd stop lecturing me about taking care of myself. I'm truly helpless, aren't I?" Shu giggled.

'I fucking knew it. So he DID have instant noodles for dinner.'

"If you saw what I was like when I'm not chasing you off of buildings, you'd think I was a loser too!"

That was the last straw.

What was Saihara-chan going on about? Sure, he might overwork himself and be unhealthy but he was plenty cool!

He had so many people looking up to him, and he's saved so many families with his detective work!

It wasn't true at all! 

After all, this was the person Kokichi fell in love with. He was fucking amazing, if you don't think so your opinion is invalid.

It just, made Kokichi really angry and..!

"That's so not true, Saihara-chan!"

The fireworks ended. Silence filled the space between them.

"Sai.. hara-chan?"

Ah, snap.


	5. Excuses & Denial

Shuichi.. really hated phantom thieves.

So when a phantom thief came rushing out of a store, holding a crate, he chased them down at sonic speed.

Shu was getting good at catching phantom thieves, mostly because of the immense training that came with trying to catch Uso.

However, this thief was different.

'...You're fucking kidding me.'

Shuichi couldn't keep up with Uso at first, but after chasing him down relentlessly, he was able to run at Uso's pace.

..This thief was FASTER than Uso.

He was so caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't notice the thief had turned around and was looking at him.

"Oh, it's you."

Shuichi couldn't even reply with all the panting, he was covered in icky-sweat and his legs felt like they were about to fall off.

"You're the detective who usually chases my friend!"

Shuichi perked up, "You're friends with Uso?"

"Uso? Pfft, is that what he told you his name was? Definetly sounds like a name he'd pick."

So this thief.. was connected to Uso? Were all phantom thieves in kahoots with each other? Shuichi desperately wanted to know.

He was a detective after all.

"So, tell me, what's your opinion on Uso?" the thief slowed down a little, not enough that Shu would be able to catch him but enough that Shu didn't have to gasp for breath ever 2 seconds.

"Opinion..? Annoying!"

"That's it?"

"What do you want me to say?! He's a thief!"

"..But doesn't he help you?"

"HAH-?"

"Like, didn't he save your life? And didn't you guys watch fireworks together? And isn't he the reason you can run so fast and catch other thieves? Also, he really only steals small things, doesn't he? With his talent, he could easily get his hands on things with more value.

Makes you wonder what his motivations are, doesn't it?"

Shuichi gulped. He didn't want to hear this. He DEFINETLY didn't want to hear this.

Because.. he'd tried so hard to push these thoughts away.

He'd convinced himself that there was no need to think further, that Uso was an evil person.

..Even though there was evidence that he wasn't, Shuichi didn't want to think about that.

He wanted to gloss over the truth, live in blissful ignorance and never need to think about Uso as more than just a villain.

Because if he did, he'd surely get attached.

"H.. his motivations are just to have fun." Shuichi replied.

"But, aren't you the one making it fun? If you stopped chasing him, wouldn't he stop stealing?"

"No.. I.. can't let him get away with what he's already done."

"What has he even done? Steal a few scarves? So you're saying if he returned everything, you'd stop chasing him?"

"Not only that, it's a matter of honor. He mocked the detective agency. We need to unmask him for the sake of our dignity as well.."

Shuichi knew he was pulling this out of his ass. Dignity? Honor? The agency didn't give a fuck about that.

He was just making excuses... wait, why was he making excuses?

The thief squinted at him, "Is it possible that.. you like chasing Uso?"

"No!"

"Whoops, did I hit a nerve?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Ok, ok. Geez. Here." the thief stopped running and handed him the crate, "I literally just stole a bagel anyway. This crate is just for show."

The thief threw the crate towards Shuichi, "I guess I laughed in the face of the Detective Agency so you're gonna arrest me, huh? For the sake of your honour, right?"

Arrest.. him? But he just stole bagels, right? Shuichi shouldn't be THAT harsh..

Wait, if he wasn't arresting this person, why would he arrest Uso? Because Uso's done it multiple times? No.. this thief in front of him might've also done it multiple times.

Then.. why does Shuichi only want to chase Uso?

"What's wrong? You're not gonna chase me?"

"..I.. don't.. know."

The words left a bitter aftertaste as they left Shuichi's mouth. He didn't want to admit it. But he didn't know.

"..You're interesting! I like you!" the thief smiled, pulling off the dark green mask that covered the bottom of his face.

That face looked so damn familiar but Shuichi didn't know why..

"Why..?"

"You actually talk to us! Instead of treating us like dirt shit! And you're not overly proud either, like most detectives.

And most of all, you listen. It's been a while since someone's actually cared even a little about what I had to say.

I can see why Uso likes you."

It felt a little strange receiving a compliment from a thief, a genuine one, but Shuichi took it.

"Thank you,...?" Shuichi stopped, realizing he didn't know the other's name.

"Nagito Komaeda." 

The words rung in Shu's ears..., "WAIT YOURE AN ARSONIST?"


	6. Criminal Underworld

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just a filler chapter in all honesty! its more about kokichi so i hope thats okay ;-; <3

The same bar, the same criminals, the same bouncers who never believe me when I tell them I'm old enough to have alcohol.

And..

"He's the infamous phantom thief which The Ultimate Detective is currently after, and I'm the arsonist who got away with setting 2 hotels on fire!"

The same Nagito Komaeda who has to intimidate the bouncer in order to get me in.

"Thanks, Nagito."

The place smells like a dead fish and armpit sweat, but then again you can't expect much from an underground hideout.

The bartenders are assassins, the customers are.. well..

Some are petty thieves like me, and some are.. horrible people who I don't like thinking about.

Nagito's pretty horrible too.. but the hotels he set on fire were run by unethical assholes and he made sure the innocent guests weren't hurt.

So I guess he's.. alright.

This place is just a reminder that I'm one of those horrible people.. and I hate remembering that.

But I am a villain after all.

"Oh, by the way, Kokichi, I met your Ultimate Detective."

"Wh- WHAT?"

"He chased me down the street because I stole a bagel, he's pretty interesting."

"..What do you mean by 'interesting'?" I glared.

"Well, we talked a bit about you. And he also listened to me ramble about my ideals.

..He reminds me a little of Hajime. Just a little."

I think Nagito noticed my eyes shooting daggers at him because he instantly backtracked,

"N-not that I'm planning to take him from you or anything!

I just.. understand why you like him so much. He's pretty cool."

"..Yea, he's really fuckin cool." I muttered


	7. Love, Evidently.

loneliness is not being alone. loneliness is the absence of someone.

\--

"Ko..kichi?"

his room was empty, bed neatly made.

his keys were missing and so were his favourite pair of shoes that always sat at the corner of their doorstep, evidence that he'd left the house.

it was 4 in the morning.  
where did he go?

an hour passed, then another. and another.  
the house felt so lifeless without him.

for an hour, the detective just sat on the cold tiled-flooring of his room with the curtains shut and the only source of light the dark purple LEDs.

it felt empty.

it was empty.

lost in the silence, shuichi momentarily let his mind wonder off into the locked attic of his mind where he stored all the thoughts he didn't allow himself to think.

a few of these thoughts managed to spill out of the creak in the door.

he wondered what kokichi thought of him.  
truly thought of him.

he wondered how kokichi wasn't totally repulsed when he found out what shuichi was truly like. he wasnt a cool detective fighting supervillains, he was just.. some neet.

he wondered when kokichi would get sick of him and leave him.

he wondered why most of his deepest thoughts revolved around kokichi, but he decided to shove that thought back into the locked room.

this is why he usually didn't open that door in the back of his mind, this is why he usually limited himself to only really thinking about detective work.

these thoughts left him with this empty feeling of discomfort in his own skin, and the taste of dirt in his mouth.

kaede always says he has to face the truth and not live in ignorance. its one of her many virtues. so he decides to listen and open the locked door. fully this time. not just a little creak.

he wondered if kokichi truly thought of him so highly, and if hed ever be able to see himself that way.

he wondered what he ever did to deserve kokichi by his side.

he wondered if it was creepy that he had so many thoughts about his roommate.

he wondered if he was just a roommate to kokichi.

he wondered if kokichi was just a roommate to h-

he shut the door on that last thought.  
well, he tried to.

'He wondered if he was just a roommate to Kokichi, and he wondered if Kokichi was just a roommate to him.'

..just a roomate.

"Just a roommate." he whispered to himself, as if saying it out loud would help hammer it into his mind.

and at that moment, the door squeaked and kokichi switched on the light.

"There you are. What're you doing in my room?"

"..Ko-" he backtracked, finding it harder to say Kokichi's name than he expected, "Where were you?"

"I went to an arcade with Chiaki this morning, I was gonna tell you but you were asleep."

Liar.

Shuichi was awake since 3am, and he had already vanished by 4.

"K.." he sucked in breath through his teeth, "K-Kokichi."

"What, Saihara-chan?" he smirked, raising an eyebrow.

Ah fuck..

After searching through the evidence, The Ultimate Detective had uncovered the truth.

..He was definetly in love with his not-just-a-roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS KINDA BAD NGL ANYWAY HOPE ITS ALRIGHT


	8. Villain Boyfriend

[Shuichi]  
crap

[Kaede]  
What's wrong?? Did something happen??

[Shuichi]  
nothing.  
just realized im totally in love with kokichi.

[Kaede]  
😃  
CONTEXT???

[Shuichi]  
he wasnt home for the whole day and i got lonely.  
and i kept thinking about him.  
and yea.

[Kaede]  
uH- ARE YOU OK? IS HE HOME YET?

[Shuichi]  
im fine.  
he came home and now we're having a movie night

[Kaede]  
oh. well, good luck 🦋😚

[Shuichi]  
Typing...  
Offline.

"ack-!" shu yelped as the phone was snatched out of his hands from above.

"it's 'movie' night, not 'play on your phone' night!" kokichi smirked, apparently saihara had been so emersed in texting he didn't notice kokichi get off his spot on the couch and sneak up behind him.

he clawed upwards, nervously trying to get the phone back before kokichi saw the messages, but kokichi kept waving it out of his reach.

however, he gave it back once he circled around the couch and wrapped himself up in a blanket burrito next to shu.

it seems the thought of reading his messages didnt even come to kokichis mind.

"what movie are we watching?" kokichi asked, even though he was the one with the remote. he casually snuggled himself into the space between shuichi's chin and shoulders.

closer.  
did kokichi always sit this close?

shuichi felt his cheeks burn up.

"i dont know, youre the one with the remote." he replied.

"then, kakegurui?"

"..you always choose kakegurui."

"because its good, shu-shu!"

shuichi flushed at the cringey nickname.

"shu.. shu?"

"..ah- sorry, that nickname was bad!  
i guess i should stick to saihara-chan, huh?"

"..."  
"you can call me whatever you want, kokichi."

.  
.  
they'd always been like this, right?

they'd always snuggle up on the couch together, they'd always touch hands, kokichi'd always call him nicknames, they'd always been like this.

..they'd always been like this. and they'd never thought anything of it.

so why now?

shuichi's breath hitched and he was suddenly hyper-aware of how loud his heart was beating.

the way kokichi's hair brushed against his neck, the way their shoulder's touched, how small the boy felt in next to him.

it drove shuichi nuts, because he knew it was normal but after realizing his feelings it became everything but normal.

"hey, saihara-chan? your heart's reaaally loud. i can feel it in your neck."

"o-oh. it's just that.. the show's really unnerving. like, how would you survive in a school like that? yumeko would be the end of me."

"hehe, true. nagito and celestia would thrive."

"..nagito, huh."

nagito komaeda, The Ultimate Luck.

he was different from makoto naegi. nagito's luck was unworldly. he'd made a building explode solely by wanting it to, and made another crash down by throwing a single baseball.

he never graduated Hopes Peak Academy though, because..

somewhere through his second year, he vanished.

he was only found a year later at the scene of a burning hospital. he confessed to being the culprit of not only the burning hospital, but many more cases before that.

he wasn't caught, and later another hospital was burnt down by him. 

..shuichi briefly remembers hajime's scream.

"..poor hajime."

"devastating, huh. imagine if the person you loved turned out to be a villain like that." kokichi forced a pity-laugh.

"..they were so perfect too."

"hm?"

"hajime and nagito. when they entered a room, you could just tell how in love they were.

it's not like i was close to either of them, but when we attended parties with them, they were always all over each other.

..hajime looked so happy. nagito too. they were dating so peacefully, and everyone thought they were happy.

i just dont understand how nagito could do such a thing."

"yea. how could nagito have done that." kokichi agreed.


	9. Hajime & Nagito

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> filler chapter! go ahead and skip if you only wanna read the saiouma part✨ PS: its all a flashback😬

click. click. click.

hajime reluctantly got out of bed, annoyed at the soft banging sound that woke him up.

he was already having a bad day as is, with the big reveal that his lover was a fucking arsonist.

where was it coming? it wasnt soft enough to sound like it was coming from a neighbour's house.. so..

click.

the window. it was the sound of something hitting his window. repeatedly.

like rain drops, except it wasnt raining.

he cautiously drew back the curtains.

.  
.  
.  
the boy behind the window blinked, a bit suprised by the sudden lack of curtains, but then smiled warmly and waved.

hajime had never opened a window that fast.

he slid the glass away and pulled the boy in.

"nagito, you..!"

"..hi, hajime. you probably are really, really mad at me but it's good to see you."

"..why are you here?"

"because i missed you? and also because you're probably.. not very happy and i dont like knowing youre not happy."

"..it's your fault i'm not happy."

"i know. im sorry."  
his expression softened a bit at the red under hajime's eyes.

he really had been crying all night.

"..explain."

"..i have no explanation. i became an arsonist."

"why?"

"..because its fun."

hajime perked up, "what the fuck?"

"..im sorry, ive always been messed up in the head. and i know this is too far. and i know that you hate me and-"

"i-i dont hate you!"

"..you dont?"

"...more like, i hate the fact that i dont hate you. but, the people deserved it, right?"

"..hajime-"

"the people deserved it! i know! i looked it up! that hotel was empty the day you burnt it down, and it was notorious for going through people's stuff and stealing shit while they were out enjoying their trip!

and.. and the owner was a king who subjected his country to a law where all gay men were to be stoned!

so.. so they deserved it, right!?"

"..hajime. you actually looked all that up? why?  
you should hate me, hajime.  
i left you with no explanation.. and.. and..  
you should hate me!"

.  
.  
"as if i could ever come to hate you."

"..hajime, i always knew this but you're really stupid, huh?"

"wha- i'm not-!"

"yes, you are. really. after all, you're in love with me.  
you have really bad taste, hajime."

"..shut up."

"..we're dating, right?"

"huh?"

"we never broke up, and you still love me. so we're dating, right?"

"you literally burnt down a hospital, what are your priorities, man?"

"hajime is my number one priority!"

"you're messed up in the head."

"and yet you're in love with me!"

"fuck you."

"yea, i deserve that."

"what if i wanted to break up?"

"i'd deserve that too."

"but, you're an arsonist."

"so?"

"...jesus christ." hajime gave up, "yea, we're dating."

"really?"

"yea."  
"..i missed you too, nagito."

after a year of sleepless nights, sobbing, and praying to hear the sound of nagito's voice even just once more,

nagito had come back.

and even though hajime was angry, and nervous, and in doubt,

he kissed him.

"..sorry i left you all alone, hajime."

"..shut up you idiot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, they're dating. even though nagito's an arsonist, hajime is dating him.
> 
> and kokichi does know about the relationship, shuichi obv doesnt cos its a secret and hajime could get in a lot of trouble


	10. Confession of an Unrequited Love

if we could interlock fingers and watch the sunset together, how nice would that be?

..how nice would that be.

you are my beloved saihara-chan.  
and i am the phantom thief you'd never come to love.

\--

shuichi looked dead, spread across the coach groaning and kokichi was finally too concerned to keep quiet.

"whats wrong?" 

"eugh.." he grunted, sitting up on the couch, "just feeling incompetent and.. useless.. and stuff."

kokichi supressed the urge to shout 'no! youre the best! im in love with you!' and instead took a seat next to him on the couch.

"..im here for you. do you wanna talk about it?"

"no."  
it was painful to hear the quiver in his voice as shu answered.

if he doesn't want to talk about it, then..

"..can i touch you?"

"yes."

kokichi's body twisted and he practically leapt onto shuichi, hooking his arms around his neck.

he tried to ignore the thrumming race of his heart at just how close their faces were.

..part of him wonders how shuichi could be so insecure when he was so.. shuichi.

from every strand of his teal-blue hair, to the edge of his toes, kokichi could never find a single flaw that existed in the boy.

he held shuichi's body as if it were a masterpiece. to him it was a masterpiece. a perfectly crafted, delicately drawn masterpiece.

saihara-chan was his world.  
if only he knew a way to cheer him up.

...oh wait.

\--

would shumai probably have reprimanded him if he found out he was stealing and dressing up as a phantom thief to cheer him up? yes..

but its fine because shumai's not going to find out!

within minutes, he had some purple plush toy cradled in his arms and a (very attractive) detective pursuing him.

kokichi preffered the chase at night, but for shu's happiness, he'd steal during afternoons too.

"uso, seriously? a girrafe plushie!?"

in all honesty, kichi didnt even look twice at what he stole. he just sort of.. stole it. 

"what? you got something against girrafes?"

he mentally noted down the fact his saihara-chan's stamina was improving. 'good job, saihara-chan!' his mind cheered.

"no." shuichi rolled his eyes, "but.. seriously?"

..wait. his stamina was REALLY improving.

"s-since when have you been able to keep up with me this well..?"

"im improving?"

"you are!"

"..oh."

he wasnt even gasping for air as he ran, in fact, he was still speaking and breathing normally.

..shit. kokichi could feel his heart rate increasing and a bead of sweat making its way down the back of his neck.

shuichi wasnt getting faster, but if they continued to run like this.. there was a perturbing chance that his stamina would outlive kokichi's.

(and then he'd be unmasked, and saihara-chan would hate him, and he'd move out, and-)

a gap..!

yes. a big gap between buildings. a jump that kokichi could make but shuichi couldn't.

then saihara-chan would have to find a different route and that'd give him enough time to regenerate energy and cheer saihara-chan up more and-

"ACK-!"

shit. shuichi had caught on to both his plan, and his arm.

"YOU'RE REALLY RECKLESS, YOU KNOW-!?" kokichi screamed.

was it just him or was this not the first time shuichi had latched onto him and then jumped off a building?

..he'd really have to teach shumai to stop doing that.

obviously because the phantom thief had a very heavy obstacle named Shuichi Saihara weighing him down, he fell in the gap between buildings, getting saved by a very convenient pile of dead leaves.

after landing, kokichi swiped the detective's cap off him.

"hey..!"

"you really have to stop assuming i'll rescue you. the next time we jump off a height like that, i'm not doing shit."

that was a lie. he'd help shuichi even if he did it two million times.

"o,ok,! just.. the.. uh.. hat.."

hat? oh.

kokichi noticed the detective desperately hiding his face in the collar of his coat.

"g..give me back the hat, uso."

oh. he was self-conscious.

self-conscious that his hair was sticking up all over the place, and that he was sweaty, and that he looked funny.

even though with his hat off, you could see his stunning face and those heavenly eyes, and the fact his ruffled hair made him look adorable, and holy fuck why was he so attractive?

he couldn't help but pity the boy in front of him, vehemently trying to shield his face as if it were something to be ashamed off. kokichi really wanted to tell him.

'youre beautiful.'

shuichi blinked a few times, astonished. kokichi furrowed his brows wondering why shumai was starting to turn red before he realized.

he had said it OUT LOUD.

and now, kokichi was turning red too.

..at this point he's commited so he tries to desperately downplay the words that managed to escape his mouth. 

"course you are. it's just a fact."  
"don't get me started on your personality though.."

he tries to come up with something, any statement to insult saihara's personality.. but he can't. of course he can't. since the day they'd met, kokichi's brain has always had nothing but compliments for the detective rushing through it.

why did he think he'd be able to find an insult about shuichi in that brain of his.

with no adequate statement to submit, his brain decides to choose a random one.

and it just sorta.. spills out.

"y-you're.. really humble. like you're never overselling yourself. and.. you don't have confidence in yourself.. w-which you should have because.. you're amazing..!"

..words were sort of just forming to describe this huge ball of suppressed feelings he'd always wanted to tell shuichi.

maybe it's the fact he's behind a clown mask that made it easier.

"you're considerate.. and kind.. and.." his voice softens, "vulnerable.."

yea, shuichi was really good at being vulnerable.

"you're really helpless and don't know how to take care of yourself, but..

when you're in your element..,

you're so fucking cool."

..it went silent.

"i.. i guess that's why i've had a big, fat crush on you s-since forever ago! haha!"

"..what?"

what?

..oh, OH.

fuckfuckfuck THAT FEELING WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO SPILL OUT. SHUMAI WASNT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT. HE- HE-

kokichi stood up, jaw still hanging open as his body outran his mind. he didnt know what to do, but his legs were running.

he reached the end off the corridor, hearing a small yell.

"Uso..! Was that-!?"

.  
.  
"It wasn't a lie."

and he ran off.


	11. Confession of a Requited Love

..he thinks he just got confessed to.

oh god, he just got confessed to.

\--

"i'm home.." shuichi mumbles, slipping off his shoes.

"welcome home!"

kokichi looked.. normal. yea, everything seemed normal.

shuichi isn't quite sure why, but he was expecting some big visual change since his world quite literally had just been flipped upside down.

but nope. same, normal kokichi snuggled up on the couch watching the second season of kakegurui. 

it's weird how life goes on the same, even after the criminal you'd been chasing admits to having feelings for you. 

he doesn't know why he's thinking about it so much.

after all, he'd obviously have to reject, right?

uso, as much as he'd like to have been friends with him, was a phantom thief. 

"something wrong?" kokichi asks.

should he tell kokichi?  
..probably not.   
is he going to tell kokichi?  
yea.

"something weird happened at work today."

"hm? what, what? is it about the phantom thief?"

..kokichi was oddly spot on.  
did he really talk about uso that often??

"yea." shuichi whispered, voice not really coming out how he wanted. he took a seat next to kokichi on the couch, "he confessed to me."

"..what?"

"he told me he's had a crush on me for a long time."

"woah. i guess even a criminal can't resist your charms!!"

shuichi flushed. he usually would be more embarrased from a compliment like that, but his mind was too full of uso to care.

"..what do i do?" he chuckles.

"well, i'm going to ask just in case; do you have feelings for uso too?"

"n-" shuichi cuts himself off, to actually think for a second instead of shooting out the obvious answer.

did he?

of course he didn't, uso was a phantom thief. and he had just realized his feelings for kokichi.

..ok. hypothetically, if all these factors didn't exist; how would he feel about uso himself?

the uso who teases him way too often, the uso who makes him want to be brave, the uso who gives him courage to do reckless things out of his comfort zone, the uso who was really fucking cool and who he totally admitted to wanting to be friends with while watching fireworks- oh right, the uso he watched fireworks with on his crush's birthday.

..the uso who he was determined to catch, even though nagito totally called him out on not having a proper reason to.

"i.. well, i don't really know?" was his answer.

"..wait. you're seriously considering.. having feelings for a phantom thief?"

"i- well, i didn't think i did. until i actually thought about it. and then realized the evidence pointed to me liking him but i-

..i already have someone in mind. and this is,, confusing."

that 'someone' was kokichi though.  
who he hadn't even thought that much about since he sorta just concluded 'ok im big gay for kokichi' and then moved on with his life not over considering the fact kokichi might like him back.

"you already have someone in mind. but you're also sort of infatuated with uso. and as if this isn't complicated enough, he's also a supervillain. pfft, what kind of love life are you living shum-.."

"..shum?"

"yea, like mushroom. ive been looking at pictures of mushroom hats all day, hold on let me show you!"

kokichi pulled up a video of two people dancing to a tik tok song, one in a mushroom hat and one in a frog hat.

"oh. cute."

"anyway, back to your love life! who's this other person? kaede?"

"..anon."

"seriously- you're not going to tell me!?" kokichu pouted.

"you'd make fun of me in front of them if you knew." was shuichi's cop-out.

"fine, fine. but.. i'm not even sure what advice to give. i wanna say 'try to work things out with the one who actually likes you back' but.. he's a thief.. y'know?"

kokichi was trying very desperately not to mention the 'anon' but it was really hard to say 'hey shumai you should date uso! because im uso! and i totally want to date you!' when 'uso' was a fucking criminal.

like.. how do you wingman for yourself.. when yourself is a phantom thief?

"..maybe i should just try to 'make things work' with anon."

no.  
no, dont.  
fuck..no.

the person kokichi loved actually felt the same and he was going to lose them to someone else all because of his stupid shenanigans.

please, no.

"e-even though you and the thief both have mutual feelings for each other?"

"..it doesnt really matter does it? at the end of the day, a relationship between a phantom thief and a detective would only ever work out in an ao3 fic."

"..but.. that just seems like a waste."

"..yea. but, if he was brave enough to confess to the detective who was chasing him, i should have the decency to confess to the anon as well, right?"

shuichi realized this was another case of uso giving him courage to do things out of his comfort zone.

"..i guess. so when are you gonna do it?"

"right now." shuichi said, decidedly.

"you're gonna call them?"

ok. shuichi was planning to say it to his face but maybe calling would be a better idea. yea. call kokichi. even though kokichi was sitting right there.

"yea." he pulled out his phone and dialed the number.

and kokichi's phone started buzzing on the couch next to him.

he didn't even reach for the phone. he just turned to shuichi, looking like a deer in headlights as a bright red tint washed over his face.

"sh..shuichi.. who are you.. calling?"

"..." shuichi tilted his phone screen, just enough so you could see the caller name.

'Kokichi💜'

"..holy shit."


End file.
